I feel bald today. Stripped.

I think I mentioned that I had Roux En Y bypass surgery less than 2 years ago. No? Well, I did. I’ve gotten down to a trim 125. Yay, right? Yeah, not so much. Unfortunately I fell into the small percentage of people who had complication after complication. Nothing has worked right since the surgery. Several months after the surgery, in events that were seemingly unrelated, I developed blinding head pain. A year later and we’ve figured out it’s compressed discs in my neck that were probably aggravated by the loss of fatty tissue around them. I’m having a nerve burn procedure in two weeks that is SUPPOSED to help relieve the pain. I’m hinging a lot on this procedure, but at least it’s hope that the pain will go away.

During the course of figuring out the head pain, I had to try out a lot of different medication. This resulted in me having a complete revision of the Roux En Y surgery and that occurred 10 months ago. The medications caused an ulcer that had completely blocked off my small intestine, not allowing any food to pass through. I dropped down to a scary 117, and at 5’8″, is just unhealthy.

Well, despite stopping all the harmful medication, I’ve developed another ulcer. I got the news last week that I’d need another surgery. This time, we’re treating me like a cancer patient and just connecting the small intestine directly to my esophagus. You didn’t know they could do that? Yeah, get in line. Apparently that’s how they treat stomach cancer and my little tummy is going bye-bye. This news threw me for a real loop. It’s scary to contemplate. I mean, what’s going to happen when I eat? Will I just dump it out 15 minutes later? Dr. Google didn’t offer a lot on this particular topic so I’m left with lots of questions unanswered. If Dr. Google doesn’t have a solution, to me, it’s a scary situation. Can’t you find EVERYTHING through Dr. Google? So, here is me. Scared witless over this upcoming surgery that I never signed up for and know little about.

In the meantime, I’ve been put on two medications which must be taken two hours apart. One of them must be taken twice per day and it can’t be taken within an hour of meals either way. The other must be taken with meals. And I’m thinking, what meals? Do I even eat? When am I supposed to take this crap? It’s a little overwhelming, but I’m trying.

After this little fun bit of news (which has been accompanied by an inability to eat or drink much), I developed a urinary tract infection (UTI). It’s common when your fluid intake isn’t high enough as mine hasn’t been. This added another set of pills to the mix, again twice per day, but again with the meals. I’m now juggling 5 pills per day, and who knows if I’m getting it right? Am I 38 or 83? Today, I’m leaning toward the 83 because I’m pretty sure I doubled down on one of my doses after forgetting that I already took it.

Anyway, my stomach pain from the UTI had been growing increasingly worse despite the treatment of antibiotics which is pretty unusual. So last night, at the advice of my physician, I took myself off to the hospital for a CT scan to make sure I didn’t have a kidney stone. I don’t – but what I do have are two liver masses. If they’re the best kind of masses (which we don’t know yet because this was just preliminary testing), they’re completely benign but can still cause trouble if they grow too big. Most people only develop one. But I’m so special I got two! And of course I’m sitting in the ER room alone when the nurse tells me at 4:15 a.m. because my dutiful husband is at home with the kids. As she’s assuring me that she’s sure they’re benign, I just sit there confused. I came in for kidney stones, not an enlarged liver with liver masses.

After the nurse leaves the room, all I can think of is the fact that I haven’t even gotten through the stomach surgery yet, nor the neck procedure, and I’m looking at more diagnostic tests for my liver; possibly biopsies; and worst case scenarios – more surgeries. I wasn’t prepared to hear this news and I’ll admit, it hit me hard. Are my kids ever going to have a healthy mom? Will I be sick for their entire childhood? I sat in that dark ER room and just bawled like a baby. Normally I’m a kickass woman but today I felt like I was stripped bald.